Yukon bush life

(Whitehorse) I’ve read the manuals for the chainsaws, the outboard motor, the truck and I’m just looking at the owner's guide for our new Skidoo. There is no mention of a penis. Safety goggles, helmets, ear defenders, yes, but I’m 100% sure I’ve seen nothing about penises. The new Skidoo. After trouble with our 20 year old machine last winter we bit the bullet and got a new one. I’m hoping this winter’s blogs will have less mechanical content. A relief all round When I picked up our new machine at the Skidoo dealership, I asked for everything I need to do the first service as I can't bring it back to Whitehorse. I didn’t see any genitals in the box with the oil and filter. No one chased me out the yard as I pulled away shouting “Hey, hold up! We forgot your scrotum!”  The night before I left Whitehorse I sat in my little Airbnb room watching TV and feeling nervous. It’s nearly 400 miles to Forty Mile. I’m not used to driving a truck, I’m not used to...

“If you can’t be assed to answer my questions then why don’t you go and get someone who will. Or perhaps just piss off and retire, you miserable old twat.” Home Hardware, Whitehorse. Friday morning. A low point.  Carpentry and construction is still a new language for me and I need a bit of help sometimes. Anyone who’s been to Paris will have experienced the crushing shame of attempting a few words in French only to receive a surly shrug. I was getting the Lumber Counter equivalent of a Gallic shrug. This is my sixth year doing “The Big Fall Shop”. I aim for 9 months-worth of food in case something goes wrong and we can’t get out. My shopping list runs to 7 pages and the truck is filling up with peanut butter, flour, rolled oats, canola oil, dog kibble etc. Nothing fancy, but it will keep us and the dog alive through a worst case scenario. Filling up I also have 3 building projects to shop for. You know how it is when you start on a DIY job then r...

Heading in last fall, boat and truck loaded (London) It might be easier to plan an invasion of a small Central American country than get ourselves, the dog and everything we need onto our property before freeze up.  I’m good at planning. I’m a future focussed person. The past is dead to me (sorry, old friends), I don’t have time to notice the present and I’m usually racing through the future at full tilt like a teenage lout on a stolen moped. On my way back to Canada, pocket full of stolen phones That means I’m good at planning but less good at relaxing. Neil arrived home from working in Cumbria last Friday to find me hysterical. “I can’t find the list of parts we need for the snow machine! They won’t deliver hide-tanning crystals to Dawson! We must order a box of handwarmers!” It was a balmy summer's evening in South London. He slowly lowered his suitcase and looked around our little council flat, as if to check there was no dead moose that needed imm...