Showing posts from September, 2017

Lentils and squirrels, the simple life


You can pay a lot to de-stress yourself in a wilderness retreat with no internet, no mobile phone signal and no easy way in or out. Or you can just come here and give us 50 bucks.

We are still without the internet but with close relatives abroad, tax problems to sort out and tenants to manage we aren’t sitting around eating lentils, meditating and enjoying the luxury.

We’ve made one trip to town in lashing rain and fog to get a new modem, which didn’t work, and so will set off tomorrow with the satellite dish, tria arm and 100’ of cables to be tested by Bob, the internet guy.

Life without Facebook or Instagram means we have got on with stuff, which is a plus. Neil has gone mad for berry picking and jam making. I can barely tear him away from the cranberry bushes to help with our home improvement projects.

We had to solve the problem of the house getting so cold in winter that tea would freeze in a cup overnight and so are going to add a new extra layer of insulation beneath t…

Jehovah's revenge


You couldn’t make it up. Not one hour after I first set foot on our remote wilderness property, with no road access, no trail access and no airstrip, the bloody Jehovah’s Witnesses were knocking on the door. Or not quite at the door, but getting out of a jet boat onto my beach, with a glossy pamphlet to show me the error of my ways.

I’m using the first person singular here as Neil wasn’t with me. He took one look at the list of everything we have to do, thought fuck this, and high-tailed it back to England to escape to his comfy office job with the Nuclear Decommissioning Authority.

No not really, bless him, but we managed to hitch a ride with two separate friends who were heading upriver for a wedding in town. I went in the first boat with our dog, a gun and random other things, and Neil followed in the second boat, a few hours later with a load of other stuff.

In the meantime, Jehovah called.

They didn’t make it as far as the front door, possibly because I was wielding a s…